If I was asked to use one word to describe tonight's tone, I would choose "melancholy". Reflecting back on the year brings great joy and an overwhelming sense of thankfulness without doubt. However, accompanying these feelings is a sense of loss as well, and I am taking pause to simply recognize this loss. On Sunday, I'll be saying goodbye to yet another wonderful friend I met only a year ago - this is my second close friend who has left the city in the past six months. I find myself having to struggle not to fall into a slump, feeling like each relationship that has finally felt natural here has ended so abruptly with the other individual leaving the city - I definitely question why these are the people that have left...and why I've had to actually be close to them. Yesterday, I stopped by my old school around 5pm, thinking that only faculty would still be around and I could easily slip in and out as I returned camping gear we borrowed. To my surprise, many of my old students were just finished athletic practices. I never want to diminish the incredible feeling that rushes over me when I actually have the opportunity to interact with the individuals who have taught me so very much and who I value so highly. The excitement on their faces alone was enough to make my week. But, I think the unexpectedness of these wonderful hugs and brief moments to catch up left my heart hurting. I realized just how much I missed one of the only communities in SF that remained somewhat consistent for me over the past two years - and certainly served as my family away from family - I have yet to have a good cry about this particularly difficult and huge goodbye.
Sometimes I do wonder how many people your heart allows you to grow close with. When I consider the many individuals who have affected me so deeply and how often I've had to say goodbye to wonderful friendships...it's hard to think that many of these may not be the "see you later" goodbyes I have often hoped they would be. And even for those goodbyes that have been of the "see you later" variety, I wonder how many will blossom yet again with a face-to-face interaction. Sometimes, waiting for these relationships to come back is just difficult and taxing.
Weighing more heavily on the night, however, are the events that transpired over the past 24 hours, leaving the lives of many in a heap of ashes and ruin. Last night, around 6:30pm, Dan and I drove to an area about an hour south of San Francisco to babysit for a couple during their first Date Night together in ages. On our way down the 101, we noticed an orange-tinted cloud that rose in the distance as we exited the city. The view was stunning and we wondered what could be causing such a strange cloud in an otherwise clear evening sky. As we continued to drive down the highway, we noticed the cloud was continually growing from a point to the east and soon discovered that it was billowing from an enormous ball of fire that grew along the landscape. Dan immediately turned the radio station to our local traffic report as I sat, stunned by the gut-wrenching, but captivating sight. Planes circled overhead, spilling water over the inferno, though the act seemed to do little if any good, as the flames continued to grow and billow. "I've never seen anything like that.....and I never want to again" were Dan's sentiments as we began to leave the devastating view behind. At the time, no one knew the cause - some believed a plane had crashed as the airport lies nearby, others speculated that an earthquake had shattered a gas line, but no one was certain.
After putting the little ones to bed and making sure that each were asleep, we turned on the news to hear more about the tragedy. By the time we tuned in, reporters stated that 53 homes were destroyed (now revised to 38 with 7 that were severely damaged) and upwards of 120 were somewhat damaged by the flames. 3 firefighters were treated for smoke inhalation, 4 were reported dead, and numerous others were treated for burns, smoke inhalation, and other injuries throughout the Bay Area. Although Pacific Gas and Electric (PG&E) have only just begun their investigation into what has now been determined a gas line explosion caused by something other than a "natural" disaster (such as an earthquake), many of the residents came forward as early as last night, saying that they had been contacting the company about the smell of gas for a few days, if not weeks. Of course, these claims have yet to be verified.
Regardless, for me, this whole event seems as though it will unearth similar negligence as what was discovered as a result of the BP oil spill. Of course, hind sight is always 20/20 and we are often so quick to point fingers without hearing the whole story. But, I do have to wonder about the reasons for the many gas line explosions that have occurred over the past few years. Some say that these are the result of company negligence as lines have not been inspected or repaired as needed. I definitely want to get into this topic more later because, as it is already 11:30pm here, I don't think I can do it justice at the moment. But, I do think there is much to be said about our nation's struggle with the downsides of capitalism and our current responsibility to respond to these realities. More later. For now...bed!
